message in a bottle

this is not me pouring my hearts out. i'm just being general and i'm just allowing time to pass by. sorry for the unfriendly posts earlier. this apology is not because i was forced to its because i think its appropriate.

although you've let things pass, and you successfully ruined every chance of happiness you could ever get you still smile knowing maybe this is for the best and there will always be someone better for him/her than you.

despite you hurting him/her you still care about him/her so you take some time to know what he/she is up to and what he/she is doing now. this may sound creepy but you just wanted to make sure he/she is fine and her/his life is going great. knowing that you're not a part of his/her life anymore, you still want him/her to be happy.

you know things will never go back to that time you wanted to. you know you can never reset the reset button to that date, you know how heartbroken he/she was of what you've done, but you still wish there is such a thing as a reset button. but sometimes you think about him/her too. you're scared and you think, if things were to go as you wanted, will it only benefit you. will he/she get hurt again? will he/she cry because of you again? you want him/her but at the same time, you want him/her to be happy.

he/she may talk to  another boy/girl and you swear you feel as if you want to kill that person. no one deserves to be with him/her more than you do. just when you're about to blow, you see her/his smile and he/she laughed. then you smile. you soon realize her/his happiness matters the most.

i'm not a poet of love. neither am i an artist. my mind is neither creative nor beautifully landscaped. when i was in a relationship, i was never the romantic one. seriously. but due to time, i've learnt so many things, i may never learn at school or at home. i've always wanted a love like no other, a person that would make me happy by just allowing me to be me. i've always  been patient, but there comes a time when you dont feel like waiting anymore. i've always wanted a crazy die hard kind of love, you know like in those malay love novels. tbh, i love love novels :3 but like the hands of a clock that moves, i moved on too. i saw everything as a phase and i judged whether i passed or i failed. pass or fail, i learnt more and more and its safe to say,

i'm letting you go. i'm letting go of the past. for the only thing i want for you is to be happy. its safe for me to let go, of the things i cherished most. its safe to say, i love you without any sadness in it :)

i know you wont read this, but i'm happy i wrote it :)