i am a ball of anger.

i'm lacking of updates. ugh. i myself am facing the difficulty in trying to fathom myself. i'm a mess. a big large pile of mess trying to understand itself. i'm just filled with anger and hate for everybody and not to mention the paranoia and the big fat green eyed monster in me. if i'm just this figure of hatred, then let me be free. free from myself. free from the wretchedness and miserableness i may cause to society. oh god, have mercy on thy soul.

pish posh syifaa'. dont be a dramaqueen. let me explain why i'm acting a little bit out of the ordinary tonight. it seems as if the green wire connected to the motherboard in this pathetic excuse for a brain has malfunctioned and is going through some serious deep shit while waiting for the neurons to actually work. i'm in love. in love with the man of whom i have dreamt of falling in love with. how we met? when i laid my eyes on him it was as if i was an adrenaline junkie. my heart palpated to a beat i myself could not translate. Noah 'Puck' Puckerman, i'm in love with you. i fucking love you and i'll love the fuck out of you. the way you say you're a fucking stud makes me fucking love you fucking more. :3

see, i told you i'm going bonkers. even my twitter page is filled with noah puckerman. and not to mention my facebook updates.

i have officially jumped from the fucking deep end. 

could somebody just stick a needle up my ass and figure me out already! :/ this is so fucked up. maybe this is just a phase like in grade 3 i fell in love with barry pepper because he was a mob boss.

okay, i get jealous easily. mostly towards someone i'm not that fond of. i have trouble with them doing things i think are not appropriate. people call me gila all the time. i have a knack for saying or doing things none others think of. i like philosophy and psychology.  i'm good at predicting how people are and i'm good at figuring people out. i dont care being called names because i call people names nobody has ever thought of before. i really like masculine men. :S 

why do we define love? why do we even waste our time doing it? we cant! love can not be defined! it simply can not be defined. some may define love like a stroll to the park or red roses. but i dont. i hate roses. why cant love be defined. simple. because everybody is different and therefore love is different from one person to another. since we were just fetus in our mothers womb, we were destined with whom we would meet and fall in love with. so why bother kissing all the fugly looking fucked up frogs? why bother having a list of qualities you want in a guy. why bother doing stupid things to find a guy. because you know what, one fucked up son of a bitch is destined for you. he'll meet you one day. the fucking tides will bring him. so stop trying too hard, you just look like a shitty ass piece of horse shit. my motto.

be a women with intelligence. be a butch with strength. be a bitch with attitude. be a lady with elegance.

we're all focused on things that do not matter. while things that does, are being fucked up. you human race are a fucked up disgrace and i fucking hate all of you cunts!