"I am not a word, I am not a line. I am a girl that can never be defined" - Syifaa' and I'm just another messed up kid.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Killing me slowly

We can fight many things, diseases, crimes but there is one thing humanity have not yet figured out how to change, mentality. 

I know I have no right to complain considering the fact of how lucky I've been and how fortunate I am to be breathing right now, but I just can't help feeling a little darkness at the corner of my heart waiting to be found. Face it, we can't all be perfect. Don't worry, I just found a solution to all my problems. I just need a good cry.

Since I started my second semester, I've felt really alone. I've lost my bestfriend and the only one who understands how my mind works, Fara. And since we're in two different classes, our schedules are not the same. We only have a short amount of time to be with each other. Sometimes she'd go to lunch early and I'd go late.

I'm really one of those people who have like a gazillion emotions but don't know how and who to express them to. Dying bit by bit inside but still strong enough to make others laugh. If you knew me in real life, I could light up the crowd and make people laugh and it's shitty to laugh while inside you're slowly fading. 2012 might not be that good for me. Just hoping someone would save me. Save me from myself. I want to find someone that I would actually miss once they're gone. I want adventure. I want to live.

I'm really not a bad person. I know I'm not. I just a little rough around the edges. I'm the type who have a lot of friends, but not anyone close, close enough to know my past and my heart. That what makes me lonely. Sometimes, I feel like the whole world is looking down on me and judging every move I make. Which is preposterous considering the fact that I don't know everybody in the whole world.

I want to be free. Free from myself. Free from society. Free from responsibilities. Free from the world. I want to get lost in a world of tranquility. I want to live every day without having fear holding me back. Maybe I lack self confidence and motivation. Or maybe I'm just meant to be dead

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